Modern Love

 

In today’s fast-paced digital world, love and relationships have taken on new forms and challenges. With endless dating apps, shifting cultural norms, and a world that’s more connected yet more isolated than ever before, navigating love can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. A recent video from the YouTube channel Unsolicited Advice delves deep into these modern complexities, providing an insightful look into the core struggles people face today. The following analysis will dissect these challenges, delve into the essence of modern love, and contemplate timeless philosophies that shed light on our understanding.

Love, as defined in the romantic context by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is an intense feeling of deep affection from one person to another. Modern love deals with the sense of isolation and solitude associated with the commercialisation of feelings and the negative displays of love and, for comparison, while also tapping into meaningful and transformative forms of love from the personal area. To break that down further, modern love explores the complexities of relationships in the fast-paced and technological world we live in today.

1. The Paradox of Choice

One of the major issues in modern love is the overwhelming number of options. Apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge promise endless potential partners at the swipe of a finger. But, as Unsolicited Advice points out, this abundance of choice can often lead to decision fatigue. With so many options, people can become paralysed, constantly feeling like someone “better” is just around the corner. As a result, relationships can feel disposable, and commitment becomes elusive.

This concept aligns with existentialist philosophies, specifically Sartre’s idea of “radical freedom” and the resulting “anguish” associated with decision-making. Sartre argued that the infinite possibilities open to us create a sense of anxiety because, with each choice, we close the door to other potential realities. In modern dating, the endless range of possibilities can lead to fear of making the wrong choice, resulting in indecision or constant searching for the next best option. Love becomes a product of this existential paralysis, where the fear of missing out traps people in shallow connections.

2. Unrealistic Expectations

Thanks to social media and entertainment, modern love often comes with unrealistic expectations. Instagram couples paint a picture of perfect relationships, where every moment is picture-worthy and arguments are rare. Shows like The Bachelor romanticise whirlwind love stories that are far from the realities of everyday relationships. Unsolicited Advice highlights how these idealised versions of love can create disillusionment when real-life relationships fall short.

This echoes the Platonic concept of love from his philosophy of the “Forms”—the idea that we are always yearning for an ideal version of love that we can never fully attain in the physical world. Plato believed that the love we experience is merely a shadow of a perfect, eternal love. In modern terms, the constant exposure to edited versions of relationships online may leave people feeling as though their real-life connections pale in comparison to the idealised ones they see.

Yet true love, according to Aristotle, is not about perfection but companionship. Aristotle's concept of philia, emphasising deep friendship, reinforces the idea that love involves sharing life with another individual to facilitate mutual personal development. It is grounded in reality, not idealisation.

3. Emotional Detachment

Another issue discussed in the video is emotional detachment. In a culture where vulnerability is often seen as weakness, many people struggle to open up and share their true feelings. Instead, there’s a tendency to keep things casual, avoiding deep emotional connections to protect oneself from potential heartbreak.

This emotional detachment reflects Stoic philosophy, which suggests that by avoiding attachment, one can avoid suffering. While the Stoics believed in moderation and emotional control, modern dating may have taken this to an extreme. Stoicism teaches that we should not be consumed by our emotions, yet the hyper-rational approach to love today often leads to a refusal to be vulnerable at all, which leaves many people feeling disconnected.

In contrast, Erich Fromm, a 20th-century psychoanalyst and philosopher, argued that love is an act of will and vulnerability, which requires discipline and courage. Fromm’s “The Art of Loving” suggests that love is not just a passive feeling but an active choice to open up to another person, to care deeply, and to take emotional risks.

4. The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

FOMO plays a significant role in modern dating. People are constantly bombarded with images of “perfect” couples, dream vacations, and the idea that they’re missing out on something better. This fear can prevent people from fully committing to their current relationships. As discussed in the video, FOMO can cause individuals to second-guess their choices, always wondering if they could find someone more exciting, attractive, or successful.

This issue can be understood through Epicurean philosophy, which emphasises the pursuit of pleasure but also warns that constantly chasing after greater pleasures can lead to dissatisfaction. Epicurus taught that real happiness comes from simple pleasures, moderation, and appreciating what you have rather than always seeking more. In the culture of modern love, the constant search for “better” can keep people in a state of perpetual dissatisfaction, robbing them of the contentment that comes from a committed, lasting relationship.

5. Technology’s Double-Edged Sword

While technology has made it easier to meet new people, it’s also made it harder to form deep, lasting connections. Texting, social media, and dating apps have replaced face-to-face interactions in many cases. As Unsolicited Advice points out, these digital forms of communication can create a barrier between people, making it difficult to truly understand someone’s emotions and intentions.

From a philosophical perspective, Martin Buber offers a powerful framework to understand this disconnect. His concept of “I-Thou” relationships describes how true, meaningful connections are formed when we engage with another person in their full, complex humanity. Modern technology often reduces interactions to “I-it” relationships, where the other person is seen as an object or a means to an end rather than a being with depth and individuality. For real love to flourish, it requires direct, meaningful engagement, something that is often lost in a digital world.

Navigating Modern Love

The video from Unsolicited Advice paints a realistic picture of the struggles of modern love. While technology and societal changes have made finding love more convenient in some ways, they’ve also introduced new challenges that can hinder genuine connections.

Philosophical perspectives from existentialism, stoicism, and Aristotelian ethics remind us that love, in its truest form, is not about perfection or endless choice. It is about commitment, vulnerability, and the courage to form deep connections. The key to overcoming these modern love issues lies in self-awareness and embracing love as an ongoing, intentional act.

In the end, love isn’t about idealised fantasies or avoiding risk—it’s about embracing the full range of human emotions, making intentional choices, and finding contentment in a world full of distractions.