African Homes and Abuse

 Dear Reader,

Disguised as tough love, there is mental, emotional, physical, and financial abuse in African homes. Let it be noted that not all African homes are abusive, and what is not mentioned here can be found in all African homes, but we also have to acknowledge that most African homes condone abuse in the name of tough love and discipline. Let's take action to address these issues and work towards creating safer environments for all individuals together. It is crucial to break the cycle of abuse and promote healthy relationships within families. It is time, as Africans, that we address this, so let's address it:

For many of us, our first experiences of abuse came from our parents. The toxicity then influenced how we view and treat others in our relationships. Confidence and self worth were broken down, and now you can not seem to recognise yourself out of the cycle of abuse. By understanding and reflecting on this, you can rebuild yourself, recognise your worth, and embrace self-love. Prioritising self-discovery and personal growth before entering relationships or starting a family is crucial, as it plays a pivotal role in ending the cycle of trauma, addressing mental health issues, and breaking toxic patterns.

Parents wear suffering and pain as a badge of honour, but it is crucial to understand that abuse is never acceptable in any form. Furthermore, through blackmail, they coerce their children into silence about the abuse, compel acceptance of mistreatment, and even manipulate them into feeling grateful for it. Ironically, the same parents work so hard so that their kids won't have to endure the struggles they faced growing up. Many individuals in this generation aren't willing to compromise on their happiness, while previous generations will go through the pain and sacrifice their well-being to achieve their goals.

Many children, sadly, in African homes , are forced to keep quiet about their abuse, suffer in silence, and are not protected or their innocence safe-guarded, creating bitter, traumatised, mentally sick, and angry adults. It is evident that we are facing a mental health crisis in this generation. Parents are then wondering why most of their adult kids are cutting ties with them and seeking therapy to heal from the trauma they experienced in childhood. This raises the question: Is childhood trauma the African generational curse that perpetuates through the ages? By examining the patterns across generations, you will realise the cycles of abuse and trauma perpetuated by parents towards their children, leading to an endless cycle of suffering. Let us not forget the prevalence of emotional abuse and neglect in African homes, especially for firstborn children. Children are expected to care for their younger siblings and are punished for their mistakes. Not that it is a bad thing, but it can often lead to overwhelming stress and pressure that can have long-lasting negative effects on their mental health and well-being. It is important to remember that they are also deserving of support and understanding from their parents and carers. And it is important to remember that they are just children and are still developing emotionally and mentally.

Sadly, it is not just child abuse in African homes; gender-based violence is also prevalent. Regardless of gender, physical, verbal, emotional, financial, and mental abuse have caused this generation to look at marriage as a source of fear and pain rather than love and companionship. This generation is now questioning if marriage and kids are truly worth the risk, leading to a decrease in marriage and child-bearing rates and an increase in alternative relationship structures. Parental neglect has also led to the rise of child molestation and sexual abuse. Left in the care of relatives who are predators, they most likely will not receive the proper protection and care needed. Parents need to understand that the world has changed and that people, whether male or female, might have malicious thoughts and plans for their children. Dear parents, apologising and recognising that you were wrong is human and shows that you are willing to make changes for the better. Dear parents, if you do not address this, you will lose your children, either literally or to mental health issues and suicide. Perhaps, parents, this can be the beginning of healing within your families. To young adults, parenting does not come with a manual, and neither does life. Recognise that our parents did their best with the resources available to them. Acknowledge that they may not have known better. Let's be merciful, understanding, and forgiving towards them.