Catch-Up

 Dear Reader,

We have been apart for too long. So let's catch up! I hope this remaining quarter of the year has been kind to you. I hope you have received all the love, kindness, and attention that you need. If not, sending virtual hugs, and I pray you still get what you hope for.

Not much to be said, but yet a lot to be said, so grab a seat and some popcorn and welcome to my overshare.

Lately, I have been contemplating if I want to do this. I love writing dearly, but I find myself at a crossroads. Battling with myself on the direction I want to take with this, I find myself here, with words, lots of words to write, but uncertain if it is worth anything. Uncertain if anything is worth anything. And if I am being totally honest, I have had near breakdowns for this. Speaking of breakdowns, let's talk about them. Have you ever sat down and realized that we are so unfair to ourselves, so unkind with the words we speak to ourselves when people are not listening?

But my dear reader, most importantly, I have been reminded again how thin the line between sanity and insanity is. Insanity induced by a heartbreak, by grief, by life's pressures, and just the insanity of being in your twenties. I find myself wondering why the hell we are taught that by our twenties we should have everything figured out. These days I find myself reflecting on ifs; I find myself thinking of my father, who is no longer with us. Thinking of how much he shaped my view of the world and how much I miss him, and just maybe if he were here, things could make a tiny bit of sense. But those are just ifs. I am more grateful for my life and how I have changed so much in how I view it now. While still grieving oneself, the person I used to be.

Despite these, dear reader, somehow it (grief) has given me a new perspective of romanticizing my life and enjoying the little bits of it, even when it hurts. To somehow find the best in it all. And so I end these with words I need to tell myself more. Yes, push yourself to be great, but also be patient with yourself; it is your first time living this life, and you are figuring it out as you go. Whatever you are pursuing, you will get. Be kind to yourself; love yourself. Find joy in your life no matter how it looks now, and when you can't find tiny things in it that make you happy.